Happy Nightmare

Love is a pandemic. A pure pedigree of its own. And im so lucky to taste the lot. I mean, used to. Fucking fuck. Despise me when i think of it. Looting me my affinity to fall, in love, again. Disorientation has its own benefit. I shall live the present hoping for the better future. And i am an ex x-men, i'll heal my own sorrow.

People come, people go, but true love remains forever. Long lasting. No you prick, this rant is not a me amore fuckwits genre. Did i sneek into your panties? Did i crush your balls? Tommy knockers, tommy knockers, knocking at the door.

Lets talk about life. Once you reach certain age in your so called manic life, you had had tasted every inches your young body ever dreamed of. Lust, tyranny, deceitful, dull-witted. Weaving your jovial soul in mode of ecstasy, eh? But all is not well, you are missing something. A hollow not even you bitchass sane mind can corrupt with. Eloquent it may seems, but all of us hates to admit it. I have found mine,yay! And I hope you will find yours. Amin for that.

Madnessinvain thinks he should stop writing. His edgy hallucinations compounded by his tipu tipu kerja live are making him more restless. An arrow of purity? Not.

Istanbul in My Heart Part II

"Effemdim, tuvelet nerede?" This bey with beer belly shoot me the the direction to the gents immediately. Its getting hotter in this Marmara Hotel, in the midst of Taksim Square, when all the Liverpudlian ran amok after their undeserving victory. Hoho! The dinner was good, a selection of iskender kebab and pilav and lahmacun.

"Perhaps desert will be the essence of the night". But the staring eyes made me uncomfortable. I am a 15 minutes celebrity. And chain of well wishers greeting "Merhaba and Nasilsiniz" making me looked like an extra who just standing out of nothing while holding my tombak, just like the old malay movie. This is life, round and round it again, ups and down, ups and down.

*********************

The seats on the boat cruising along the Golden Horn were comfy, a couple of madly in love sparrows roaming freely, without any worry. And the summer August sea gust blowing her blonde hair softly, embarking all the envy eyes with sorrow. “Mungkinkah mereka sedang mencarut di dalam bahasa ibunda mereka” Hell, like i care. All that i care now is to enjoy this magical moment.

We chatted and chatted with all our valor, as I am an honest clown of the universe. No wine to accompany, only mint tea which enough to elate me from my travesty. Late that night, she sent me home, which did drop the jaw of my bald neighbour , who was walking with his German Shepherd, (ya , Hanafis can adopt dog), on his way to the nearest 24 hours shop, to buy a packet of studded condom (ok la, the condom tu, I just create it up).

"Good nite Tugba, it was a divine moment and drive safely dear. See you tommorow?" To which she replied in malleable, connoted by a very sweet smile. "Ok, perhaps we should do this again?"

Yay!

Aye Ole Constantinople, how lovely you are,
Leander’s tower, Topkapi palace revealing in the apostle light,
Soaring minarets, Church of Wisdom standing side by side,
And budak kampung selekeh with the eminent beauty of a Turkish’s maiden might.

The end is not here, we'll meet again at the Final series Istanbul in My Heart III. At undisclosed time and effort.

Where art Thou?

One short entry for the distressing soul. I need to shit this out. Why should you bother?

When we found ourselves in vehement madness, what would we do? A prolific profusely answer would be, i have a few decent options to imply, yadda yadda. Buble in his "Home" lyric stresses when everything else fails, i just wanna to go home. Perhaps home is the place of heaven. Loneliness is an epidemic that will shiver your spine. Inadequate mental illnesses is another. A molar volume of illuminating perversion.

I admit, as much as i love travelling alone, at times i am beaten by the symphony of hollow in my mind. Its like parading yourself in Mardi Gra, you lose your senses while ransacking the dignity of the others. At the day of yore, I'll do anything to have the prospect in basking my self under the ray of pleasure and exploring the beauty of virgin sans border.

For now, i would rather stay home.

Full Moon Party - Its All in Your Mind

It's almost 8 something in the morning, my new friend, a thai undergraduate who is sleeping below my bunker is talking in sleep again. Yeah dude, thanks so much for the promise to wake me up once we reach Surathani. And the train should be arriving at my destination soon. Last time i check, ive been to the canteen seven or eight times, puffing my lung out. Lid a ciggies and wonder where will this travel tales lead me next. On my way there, all the Scandanavians are busy brushing their lovely tits.. err teeths. One thing ive learned about beautiful women, even when they woke up looking scary in the morning, they will still look beautiful. I smiled back at them. A weak smile indeed, like the one you see in those horror movie.

The scandanavians are a bunch of very nice people, warmth and friendly, unlike the israelis, fuck them. You should make yourself to Koh Pha Ngan and see how they behave, with the shaloms and all. Mad mad people, not being anti semitic here, but these fuckwits are mostly hated by the backpackers for their unethical behaviour. Ask anyone, and this will be the same answer, "Ah the israelis, stupid prick"

***********************

I checked in my hotel in Haad Rin after the rough three hours journey on the snail ferry and another half an hour on the pick up truck. The weather was lovely. Sea breeze will always make me happy, and the smell of salt will englighten my day. Let me give you a tip, as a solo traveller, safety is always my main concern. Check the room you are planning to stay, ask for a ten to "see" your room, if you are not happy, return back the keys and find a better one. For me, i will "sweep" the room for any unwanted materials, as you might already know, islands in thailand are well known with their endless supplies of weeds. And i found a packet of it, hidden under the wash basin, flushed it in the toilet and im done.

My new neighbours, on my left, a group of young red ass brits ladies and on my right, a sweet french couple with a body to die for, god damn dyke. Reminds me of the Hard Rock Cafe's crowd, tearjerking their heads off with bacardi lemon and a bucket of heineken. After exchanging hellos and some witty lines, i get into my room and its time to hit the prayers mat.

I need a good rest, tonite is going to be a blast.


***********************

Trance, drum n bass or anything you wish, the blaring music will make even any god fearing soul like me drown in elation, full moon ahead. Thousands and thousands of alchohol driven multinational revellers are busy implying themselves in madness. Some of the blondies are without their top bikinis, and the melons are swingging over and over again. Sofia, a norwegian with british accents, passed me a nicely designed bottle of absolut vodka. " I am a muslim love. "I dont drink". "Oooohh, what a pity, but do you dance?" asked her. "My dear, you are sweet talking me, and i am an epiphany of your wishful thinking."


Let the party begins, baby.


The party ended once the sun sets its mighty but most of it were transffered to bars and pubs around Haad Rin. And where was i? Wrapping myself around the lovely norwegian's body? Naaah, i went back early for my subuh. You people are undermining me la , fucking fuck.

Hua Lampong

I'll continue with Istanbul in My Heart Part II when i feel like it. Perhaps tommorow, or the day after or even next year. Whateva. Meanwhile, eat your own shit or better still, continue reading.

Hua Lampong Train Station in Bangkok is just like the one in Istanbul. Nothing in comparison with our opulent KL Sentral. A tuk tuk ride from my hotel (or was it a goat barn) to this remnant of history was spectacular. A zealot on its own. Jack, my tuk tuk rider, was a jovial person. The first thing he showed me as soon i laid my burned ass was a brochure. A cammaderie of colorful you know what. In pink bubble bath. With a lot of mirror. "You want massage, bang-bang? Anything".

My eyes was blurry, dam dam dam and times that with 1000, yummy, hard on. "1500 bath, very cheap. You can take two. You get shower first. They use their milk to shower you. Whoaa, hold your horses Jack, and down there my horsie.

"I no speaking English. Hua Lampong?" (I did the same trick in Istanbul when this "tourist guide came over and offer his "service") and his face changed to a midget who looks like finished a pile of shit on his own. In this never ending world of sexual connotations, people will do anything to fullfill their greatest wish. Money that is. Money creates power and power creates money. Bang-bang the wife of your friend, or other monsterous acts are all derieved from greed which in return rooted from money. Well at least thats my point of view. If you dont like, why dont you find a cucumber and stuck in it your arse.

Zig zagging through busy lanes of Bangkok in tuk tuk accompanied with afternoon drizzle is an experience i will never forget. And The smell of the smog emmitted will make any Frederika or Ulrisch from Greenpeace screams bigotry. Aahhh...

********

People are now everywhere. Backpackers come in herds. Monks and people from the Muslim dominated south are busy concentrating to their destinations like the Newton theory, in random orders. The only signage that i fully understand rowing side by side with the imfamous curly Siamese fonts is "surau" or was it "tempat sembahyang"? (Its either one la, can you recall your mum's birth ceritficate numbers? Getting my riff eh?).

There i kneed my soul before the Almighty for His supports and opportunities aplenty to let me meet Him again. Im not preaching here you fuck. Its only ive never try to betray my belief or neither i say you should betray yours. I have this uneasiness feeling if i dont do my obligation.


On the other note, Koh Pha Ngan and Full Moon Party. Here comes your grandaddy. Hah!

Istanbul in My Heart Part 1

I hate to be a wet blanket. Mortals will always be mortals. Albiet a very strange perception on life. Here i am, in the office on Sunday afternoon, looking bizarrely obtuse. Hello, i do have life ok, it's only i've done my time and nothing seems to attract my attention anymore. Not even this milf that were looking deep inside my eyes, when i was buying my nasi ayam. "What's on your mind hot mama?".

Been thinking migrating to somewhere cold, with endless supplies of brunettes, blondes and backlavas. In Istanbul, they have this strange version of mini bus called dolmus. What's more eccentric about this dolmus is that they dont have ticket man or electronic fare machine. How do you pay your fare then? Easy my dear, just pass the amount and tell anyone in front of you where is your destination. This person in return will pass your money to the one in front of him/her and the process repeats itself until it reaches the driver. Once i was standing right besides the driver and can you imagine the amount of small change and verses i have to repeat. And from observations in many many days travelling in the dolmus, none of them ever cheated. And once you reached your destination, dont bother to find the bell button. Just yell "the name of your destination and say "injek varrrrr" as loud as possible". Entertaining eh?

From my apartment where i shared with the medics students from all over Turkey and a few of them from Albania, i can clearly view the calm and cold of the Bhosphrous Sea. Aaahh... that was ecstacy (and the virgin look-alike of my voluptuous secular neighbour, sweet ass). To meet my other comrades i have to walk for 15 minutes to catch a dolmus, take a ferry to the European side of the Istanbul, walk again and take a tram and walk again for another 15 minutes to reach Sultanahmed area, the epicentre of sight seeing in Istanbul. The total journey will eat two hours of my lovely Saturday.

Ok, enough of me telling you about the trollop story of Constantinople. On one fine day there, while i was busy sorting out the news to aired, i was approached by the news reader in the television station where i was attached to. A blonde with a set of beautiful green eyes and very very fine Eve's treasure. She asked me out. Yay! Now tell me, how many of you prick, in your entire life, a stunning Turkish news reader has ever asked you out for a date? Hah! In your dreams mah man, in your dreams.

After the news, we head back to her apartment (no you fuck, we only go there because she needs to change. By the way, her mom was there too, dammit!) Being a Malaysian who is well known with warmth and kind hospitality, i chatted a bit of broken Turkish with her mum. As a guest, i was served with a peach cay aka tea and some kind of weird looking biscuits. After bidding good bye to her mum (which she sent me right down to the gate, at the ground floor level!), as we were walking towards her car, i looked up and my my all the neighbours were standing at their respective apartment's porch with all eyes hunted at me. It was like a scout jamboree, stacking up one after another. Perhaps, after translation of course, this was the same thought they have in their head . "Siapakah jejaka kacak yang bersama pembaca berita popular itu?"

Let's continue this story later shall we?

Sigh...

As i am trying to reminisce about the good yesteryear, a reality check hit me straight on my vast illuminations. Subjudice said the brain but it's a mala fide said the soul. I was born with the ability to profound and dilligently interprets the meaning of life. I know what i want to be and the direction is very very clear to me. But obviously this is not enough. I am in daze. And the feeling to hold hands with the one you cherish is not a rocket science.

In my line of industry, i have met with so many sweet young things. Fuckable that more likely. But this poor ghoul doesnt have the urge to move forward. No you bitchass, i'm not gay. Well, not that i have anything against gays but that is different story. Still with me? Or your mind is already in the explicits and tacid sensual libido? Making love is different compared with err... fucking. When we make love, all our mind and passion are channel to the beloved one you have infront of you, or what ever positions you freaks desire.

Again, dont make any conclusion that i am a bed hopper you fucking fuck nor i am not a virgin. Making bad assumption is equivalent to the term fuck yourself. All im saying is making love WITH the one you love is different. Hence the differences between making love and fucking. Fucking can even be done with a duck, or inflated doll. Unless you are a totally nutto who thinks the duck or the doll is your beloved soulmate, may god bless you and give you the best spot in hell. Hah!

For me, i will only make love and i dont fuck. To do that i have to fall in love and maybe get married. That moment of the eternity will only appears in god knows when. And getting hints by the sweet young things are making me more remorse. Sheesh, life is ever demanding. (For you pricks out there who think i will leak the details of the sweet young things, im not a pimp you bitchass! Neeevah!)

Collide

How do you define a good person? A brick or break question this is. In my wonderful years of living, i've confronted many many "segmentation" of people. We are prejudice by our own means. Notwithstanding the occurrences of generic thoughts. I am not a saint or a sinner. But i have my other side that i myself dont even understand.

How do you define when a person who miraculously endeavour himself/herself in but still never forget his/her religious obligations? They still pray, fast and do charity but still engaging in those subconscious bonding with the great satan. And how about the pious person who indulge himself/herself with the sinnest acts of all?

If you cant read the line of the two types of people i have described above, i would suggest you to read it again. The chosen path is all in the mind. We are the one who inculcates our own journey. Never never look down on those people who gulped JD on those happy hour nights. Now dont get me wrong my dear loyal readers, i am not portraying myself here. Just give these people a break. Sooner or later they will find the truth and repent door is only just around the corner.

Bangkok Blues

I love travelling. And i've been to few places around the world. The story i want to tell you today is about my last excursion to the land of white elephant. You see, i'm the one you call a backpacker. And usually i travel alone. Yuppo, you heard it right, i do travel alone. I love to meet new people from all walks of life. And backpacking is like a trapping door, once you are in it, you'll never escape. In definition, it's a travel euphoria, where every second spent is making your dumbfuck mind in delirium.

It was 6.30 pm and as i am walking through the smelly alley in the Khao San Road, i stumbled upon a nice leather shop. Everything is cheap there, a small pouch made from err.. animal skin only cost you around err.. i cant recall. But that is not only the interesting part of my profound skirmish. There is one lovely japanese chicks who is very very and i mean very very hot. We traded opinions and views about the travel tales and next i have found myself having a dinner with her. Ya ya, i know what's on your mind you fucking fuck pervert but can't you wait till i finish my story?

Well after the succulent dinner and a few rounds of beer for her and orange juice for me (sheesh), it's time to move to more hotter place i.e the nearest club called The Lava. And there i strutted a few of my limited movement back in those Piccadily days. And oh my my, she was indeed very very happy watching me making fool of myself. Yay! A brownie point for me. We were in sweat and its time to hit the end note. Ayayaya. She is staying somewhere near to where i stayed and on the way back, banters and laughters were the epitome of our outing. This is what i really like about backpacking. You will never know where you will be or who you'll meet next.

When we reached the reception area, she invited me for a coffee, wow, perhaps her room is well equipped with tea and coffee making facilities; and i said why not my dear. And i'm sure you have in your dirty mind what happened next. Indeed, she did make the first move after the coffee session and no, and i swear to god, i did not do it. What i did was finding excuses on how to free myself. And there weren't even any lips locked. Hey you fuck, i'm telling you the truth here.

I couldnt shed a single second of sleep that night. My mind was away in London. Perhaps these are the questions lingering on the lonely hot sexy japanese lady in bangkok mind. "Did i do something so bizarre? Was i not good enough for him? Perhaps i have a bad breath? etc etc.

Sorry Tomoko san, the truth is i'm too in love with my gf (ex by now). When i fall in love, or when im in a relationship, nothing, i mean nothing can separate my loyalty and love towards the beloved one. And even months after that incident, i am still jamming my head on the wall. But God is oft merciful and oft forgiving. The best for me is still out there. Now, please allow me to ask you a question. Are you the one?...(Girls only please, ok lah add in milf too. Guys? Here is your ticket, please take a back seat).

Here Comes the Demented Soul

Ladies and gentleman, as i started my own ramblings on this coherent cyber world, my feelings is disseminated by so many questions. Would i be able to pour everything into soul, vexing vengance on this cruel life of yours truly. The promise i made to myself is im not going to compromise on what i think you want to read. I'll write whatever cross my heart, as this is not a pleasure place for you, nor me. It's a place where life long stories adage simplified the hoi polloi of the universe. And when you want something with all your heart, all the entire universe conspires to help me find you.