This is The End, This is The Beginning

Stagnant reminiscences platted the guanine muser on my superfluous soul. 20 years of figure logics engendered my multihued corridor of the yesteryears. Life has never been easy, for me. This is not a tirade of self audacity nor denunciation. An anecdote paltered with desire to inspire. Memories are meant to be remembered, not to be delved upon. The pandemic of yore. Mêlées are fought and mêlées are lost and won. Belligerent is in the imperial derivation. And I will keep on fighting. For He is Oft Merciful, Oft Forgiving. Amen.

Thanks Muddy, for your kind graciousness. And the story begins.

20 Years Ago, 1985 – I was 10

I came from a poor and broken family. Beloved only standard three educated Mom and Engineer Dad divorced twice, once when I was 8 and another when I was 11. With not a penny from Engineer Dad, playing fields of most pasar malam, helping my uncle selling of everything ulam, morning with my mum selling nasi lemak, have been the main rezeki for me and family.

While waiting for customers to buy our produits du jour, I will read everything available, back to back, from mostly old English newspapers used as the wrappers, URTVs to Mein Kampf which was found in between the stacks of the old newspapers. Ok, I admit. I read dictionary too.

Fought fiercely with Paat at my kampong’s surau, blood squirted, which leaved me with a still visible-until-now mark on my nose. The reason? He called me “Anak tak ada bapak”. Celaka kau Paat. On that year, I am already an expert in selecting the freshest fish, freshest meat and the freshest green. Not to mention bargaining skills with all the towkays of the said sellers.

Best friends were Harisson Sanjay, Raymond Punithan and Lim Boon Seng where four of us would run ourselves to this trailer of Perbadanan Perpustakaan Selangor to borrow books. Orang miskinlah, family no money to buy me books. Education? Suffice to say, I was on the stage every year since standard one.

10 Years Ago, 1995 – I was 20

Dumbstruck by my STPM results (which I have to begged for entry since my SPM was very koyak), I worked as a store clerk with a scanty salary of RM500 and moonlighting loading barrels of chemical to be exported into 40 footers containers (very good money). Bloody tough job. I looked like an Indonesian/Bangladeshi/Nepalese/Myammar immigrant and I can operate any type of lorry and forklift. Bring in on baby. Hehehe.

Nightlifes were spent boozing around in HRC, 11 LA etc and dingy snooker parlour at my kampong. Ehem, I was only allowed to play snooker with one hand. Was locked-up for four days without any interrogations or anything. Traumatic experience I must say.

Mid of the year, with an application which I don’t give a damning damn to local university submitted by my auntie, I was called for the interview. Armed with everything borrowed from friends, long sleeve, pants, belt, and a pair of shoe. Mine was only my underwear and a pair of stoking sebelah lain sebelah lain, with a hole popping my toe. Accompanied by a very fierce storm that made me soaked until my spender, I braved myself with prayers from my beloved mum. Mama, saya sayang mama.

While in the lift, I was “accidentally” scolded for using the lift for “pensyarah dan kakitangan” by this one suave old man. The suave old man turned out to be the one of the panel who interviewed me and he is the DEAN of the Faculty! Got whacked kaw kaw in the interview’s room for my STPM results. Thanks to my readings when I was a kid, my England is a bit ok la. Managed to weaved a few of magical replies.

And a month after that, on a very blessed day, I saw my mum crying, holding the letter of admission to the university. Alhamdulillah, that was the turning point, of my life.

5 Years Ago, 2000 – I was 25

Uni days were actually the best time in my life. I have had a lot of fun. I refused to receive any type of scholarship or financial assistance because I believed if I took the offers, I might be denying the more deserving people, i.e anak-anak orang yang lebih kurang berkemampuan. Don’t call me snobbish, please. I’ve been there and I know how its feels. What we have during that time was enough to sustain my studies, even though that means I have to think twice before I spend a penny and I have to help my mum selling nasi lemak, 6 am in front of a factory on every semester break. The spiritual journey began this year. This is the year when I started my daily solat, 5 times a day, puasa sunat and such.

Internship in Istanbul, madly in love with my then girlfriend, offered a job as the producer producing one of the old kids tv shows after only two weeks of my final exam, graduated with the best student badge. My mum once told me, no matter how high you fly, remember who you were before, that will keep your feet firm on the ground. Again, thanks mama for all your sacrifices and thank you God, for all Your blessing.

3 Years Ago, 2002 – I was 27

While working on my third job, I did my Masters on a part time basis. Was offered to do my Masters and PHD in UK but I turned it out because its time to pay back my beloved mum, to take care of her. My classes started at 6pm everyday and ended at 10pm. Saturdays and Sundays were spent in either library or cyber cafes; I don’t even have a bloody computer. I was in that situation for two years.

I have had a dream, to be a PHD holder or to own my own company by the age of 30. And I choose the latter. Tendered my resignation and my hard earn albeit small company was born on 19 August 2002. We started with only a phone fax machine which I still use until now. It was very very difficult at the beginning. My office was in my small rented room whom I shared with Itam, a male stray cat that I took from the garbage deposit place, at the ground floor of the apartment.

Itam is a very brilliant cat, every morning he will follow me out, get on the lift and once the door opened, we parted ways. He is gone to mengorat Melissa, the beautiful Persian cat living at the next block. I guess he is full of confident back then. Yeah, from living in a dump to a change diet of only IAMS, nice litter place, and sleeping on the shared thin mattress with me. Talk about a boosting morale eh?

Juggling between final thesis, working part time and my company, at times I’ve had a breakdown or two. My ex-girlfriend was always there for me. Thanks love, all of these are for us and our beloved family. The first six months were spent in my car, cyber cafes for my proposals and such. Since the distances between my tiny office and clients place was a bit far, as a tactical cost saving measures, in between meetings I will sit myself quietly in Masjid Wilayah, reading, writing, solat and at times, a nap or two.

After six months, with all the profits pumped back into the company and kind help from my then ex-partners, we moved into this small office space where currently I am typing this entry, located at the edge of Kuala Lumpur. And I graduated with flying colours for my Masters. Alhamdulillah.

Last Year, 2004 – I was 29

Alhamdulillah, the business was good. We have managed to secured a few public listed clients which we still enjoy good business relationship until now. From a one man show, we transformed to a small work force of 6, with people working with me are the familiar faces you see on TV. On our first year of operation, we had two proposals of take over, one from a public listed company and another from a royal family. Family wise, I moved my beloved mum and my siblings to this modest double story house. Providing them opportunity of sleeping in their own bedroom. We don’t have such luxury before and even now, we don't have much luxury either. On that year too, I managed to send my mum and my ex-girlfriend together, on Ramadhan to do their umrah. Alhamdulillah

Disaster struck on December, my ex-girlfriend left me on that month. I was left in a lurch. But no, never once I blame her. Pergilah sayang, if that would make you happy.

This Year, 2005 – I am 30

The repercussions of the separation has taken me deep in my misery. I’ve lost my two cars, mum beloved mum’s car, the house we have as a gift from my Engineer Dad, my FD, OD, all my savings, name it.

I almost lost the house that my mum and siblings still living right now, and I almost lost my hard earn company too. At one moment, I am determined to sell the company and move myself to London. Running away from bad memoirs of yesteryear. What’s left in Malaysia anyway? Sweet memories? I was at a brink of losing my insanity. Past few months has seen the situation gradually getting better and better. Alhamdulillah

All is not over yet, I am still fighting. Blog whorring and blogging has make me meeting lovely and kindhearted new friends, some i've met, some i've not, you know who you are. I am more relax now, even though I am an office freak who will be in my small office from Monday to Sunday and public holidays to even Hari Raya. Working my butts out, up to wee hours everyday.

Next Year, 2006 10 Years from Now, 2015 – I will be 31 and 40.

I dare not to portray what will happen in the future for I can only pray, plan and work my ass out towards it. And i am an ex x-men, i'll heal my own sorrow.

But one thing for sure dear God, I admit, I am not a saint, test me with anything You may, for I will never forget You.

Thank you for your kind time, may God bless all of you. Next stop i'm tagging Shell (buat lagi sekali, Pfftt) , Lekker Ding, Scrubber, Maya, KepalaAngin, Chics, ThinktTankGirl, Cherry Bakewell, Miss_YY, Inn, RaksaksaBiskut, Babe, Leen Ash Burn, Pojan, Sheryl_Alexis, Sooz, Scribblebangle, Dina, MzMin, Sports Freak, Vlad, Fade and all who have commented on my humble blog. Spread the lurrrve babeh– Madnessinvain