Fervent Infatuation

"So, i love you because all the entire universe conspired to help me find you."

The Alchemist. Page 123.




I've been saving this line for you. Perhaps, you want to know that, my love.

Sanctuary of Elucidations

Nocturnally inclined, spading densest, impervious eccentric castle laying inert, unfathomably deep in the labyrinth of white noise, or black. Arch in the sky. Lolloping dire in desire. Spurious mavericks, dancing dancers, my heart is all with her. Merriment of joy, morphemic of flecked colourful multihued array, platters of snow. You are always in my mind. Superficial of digress, recalcitrance is at rest.

Gaiety, deity, divinity. Mystifying the mystics. Chastise me. Take my breath away. An orb of everything eternity. Let's celebrate Halloween, on Christmas. Disdain is a chronicle of yore. Love is a pandemic. Twisted the way i want to be. An opus created to blind your heart, and your sane psyche.

Garrulous equals to fiction; fiction is a concentric bands of spectrum. Transitory through the ephemeral veins of inanity, and naivety. Insomnia mirrored by voice of treason. You made me melt into wonder. Superfluous flowing away in the gallows of glooming lovable. Stunning lights, shining stars, blinking rays, unspoken bliss. Mirage. San evaporated when I’m dreaming of your face.

Universe was dancing on the day I met you. You are like sugary candy to my soul. Illusion is a chimera of intermittent sacrilegious notions. Phantasm in yours truly. The truth is veiled in my heart. Bolted far far away, in the never-neverland. And you are the angel queen of my cosmos.

And on the day i put that halo of love on your finger, you will be mine, eternally.

Vice Versa

Notion, intention, wish, niat. Somehow it’s laden with such ambiguous travesty. I beg to differ. I'm a person who doesn’t like to waste things up. Not parsimonious but the way I was brought up, due to scarce argent, I will usually complete my meals/drinks until to the last drop. Licin.

But today I’ve decided to let away a big reserve of sugar deposit. Standard procedure of life. You win some, you lose some. These ants were covering every nook and cranny of the flask. Wah, ceria nampak? And I told them, “Well ants, this must be your family lucky day, I think you will have enough supplies until next year”.

Rumours say they are planning to have a week full of all night long orgy parties, perhaps I should have a peek at it. Hohohohohohohohoooo.

What's Left in Malaysia Anyway? Sweet Memories?

Luminous lights, unblemished rays, glowing glimmers at the ingress of rapture, elucidates the noir hasten in desire. I palpated lines after lines san ignoramus magnetos. I rendered the nomograms of heart. Thawing every solitary psyche, imperil chaste of sparkling personae. Over again, I’m misplaced by sanguinity brightened stars of the celestial milky way.

Conceivably, I reckoned by the tributary of Thames, is where my soul does belong.

Mental Garrote

MiV ini hari tak ada, malam tadi dia makan julap banyak.

Pecah kaca pecah kaca gelas, sudah baca harap balas.

See you next week. Muahss.

Bubonic Merriments

Frivolous, cantankerous, specious, sacrilegious, all these are an associate of ostentatious perilous glibness. Dazzling elations elated the folly of quivering cynical acetum; constipated choking funnel, she is everywhere. My love, zigzagging melancholy would never be weaken away, not until you philosophical your warren of soul, and the perpetuity.

Clouted by glimmering thoughts; I reckon it’s a creeping method from the casement of eerie darkness. And forlorn is abetting.

Misbegotten sanctify the purify sparkler, of yours truly. Your heavenly hair, your sans perfidious smile, your silky encrusted lips, now tell me, why did heaven send you?

For Aristotle, hope is an awakening dream. For me you are my dream, my heart and my soul.

And you are the epicentre of my love universe.

Ich habe dich sehr lieb

Persona significant derision moi feeble generic notion, I discern the heart is at present for her. Spasm of rhetoric paresis geminating chronicles of prisma butterfly, marauding dimness of darkness in the psycho psyche. Essences in me are lost and found. Gnawing empiric numbness of shoddily conked mind.

Purity is at the best of the purest numeral. For me, numeral is a figure space of stanzas in rhymes. For you, rhymes is all specter of this entry.

And schatz, do tell your heart the truth, I’ve been dreaming about you all the time.

Herzlichen Glückwünsche zum deinen Geburtstag.

This is The End, This is The Beginning

Stagnant reminiscences platted the guanine muser on my superfluous soul. 20 years of figure logics engendered my multihued corridor of the yesteryears. Life has never been easy, for me. This is not a tirade of self audacity nor denunciation. An anecdote paltered with desire to inspire. Memories are meant to be remembered, not to be delved upon. The pandemic of yore. Mêlées are fought and mêlées are lost and won. Belligerent is in the imperial derivation. And I will keep on fighting. For He is Oft Merciful, Oft Forgiving. Amen.

Thanks Muddy, for your kind graciousness. And the story begins.

20 Years Ago, 1985 – I was 10

I came from a poor and broken family. Beloved only standard three educated Mom and Engineer Dad divorced twice, once when I was 8 and another when I was 11. With not a penny from Engineer Dad, playing fields of most pasar malam, helping my uncle selling of everything ulam, morning with my mum selling nasi lemak, have been the main rezeki for me and family.

While waiting for customers to buy our produits du jour, I will read everything available, back to back, from mostly old English newspapers used as the wrappers, URTVs to Mein Kampf which was found in between the stacks of the old newspapers. Ok, I admit. I read dictionary too.

Fought fiercely with Paat at my kampong’s surau, blood squirted, which leaved me with a still visible-until-now mark on my nose. The reason? He called me “Anak tak ada bapak”. Celaka kau Paat. On that year, I am already an expert in selecting the freshest fish, freshest meat and the freshest green. Not to mention bargaining skills with all the towkays of the said sellers.

Best friends were Harisson Sanjay, Raymond Punithan and Lim Boon Seng where four of us would run ourselves to this trailer of Perbadanan Perpustakaan Selangor to borrow books. Orang miskinlah, family no money to buy me books. Education? Suffice to say, I was on the stage every year since standard one.

10 Years Ago, 1995 – I was 20

Dumbstruck by my STPM results (which I have to begged for entry since my SPM was very koyak), I worked as a store clerk with a scanty salary of RM500 and moonlighting loading barrels of chemical to be exported into 40 footers containers (very good money). Bloody tough job. I looked like an Indonesian/Bangladeshi/Nepalese/Myammar immigrant and I can operate any type of lorry and forklift. Bring in on baby. Hehehe.

Nightlifes were spent boozing around in HRC, 11 LA etc and dingy snooker parlour at my kampong. Ehem, I was only allowed to play snooker with one hand. Was locked-up for four days without any interrogations or anything. Traumatic experience I must say.

Mid of the year, with an application which I don’t give a damning damn to local university submitted by my auntie, I was called for the interview. Armed with everything borrowed from friends, long sleeve, pants, belt, and a pair of shoe. Mine was only my underwear and a pair of stoking sebelah lain sebelah lain, with a hole popping my toe. Accompanied by a very fierce storm that made me soaked until my spender, I braved myself with prayers from my beloved mum. Mama, saya sayang mama.

While in the lift, I was “accidentally” scolded for using the lift for “pensyarah dan kakitangan” by this one suave old man. The suave old man turned out to be the one of the panel who interviewed me and he is the DEAN of the Faculty! Got whacked kaw kaw in the interview’s room for my STPM results. Thanks to my readings when I was a kid, my England is a bit ok la. Managed to weaved a few of magical replies.

And a month after that, on a very blessed day, I saw my mum crying, holding the letter of admission to the university. Alhamdulillah, that was the turning point, of my life.

5 Years Ago, 2000 – I was 25

Uni days were actually the best time in my life. I have had a lot of fun. I refused to receive any type of scholarship or financial assistance because I believed if I took the offers, I might be denying the more deserving people, i.e anak-anak orang yang lebih kurang berkemampuan. Don’t call me snobbish, please. I’ve been there and I know how its feels. What we have during that time was enough to sustain my studies, even though that means I have to think twice before I spend a penny and I have to help my mum selling nasi lemak, 6 am in front of a factory on every semester break. The spiritual journey began this year. This is the year when I started my daily solat, 5 times a day, puasa sunat and such.

Internship in Istanbul, madly in love with my then girlfriend, offered a job as the producer producing one of the old kids tv shows after only two weeks of my final exam, graduated with the best student badge. My mum once told me, no matter how high you fly, remember who you were before, that will keep your feet firm on the ground. Again, thanks mama for all your sacrifices and thank you God, for all Your blessing.

3 Years Ago, 2002 – I was 27

While working on my third job, I did my Masters on a part time basis. Was offered to do my Masters and PHD in UK but I turned it out because its time to pay back my beloved mum, to take care of her. My classes started at 6pm everyday and ended at 10pm. Saturdays and Sundays were spent in either library or cyber cafes; I don’t even have a bloody computer. I was in that situation for two years.

I have had a dream, to be a PHD holder or to own my own company by the age of 30. And I choose the latter. Tendered my resignation and my hard earn albeit small company was born on 19 August 2002. We started with only a phone fax machine which I still use until now. It was very very difficult at the beginning. My office was in my small rented room whom I shared with Itam, a male stray cat that I took from the garbage deposit place, at the ground floor of the apartment.

Itam is a very brilliant cat, every morning he will follow me out, get on the lift and once the door opened, we parted ways. He is gone to mengorat Melissa, the beautiful Persian cat living at the next block. I guess he is full of confident back then. Yeah, from living in a dump to a change diet of only IAMS, nice litter place, and sleeping on the shared thin mattress with me. Talk about a boosting morale eh?

Juggling between final thesis, working part time and my company, at times I’ve had a breakdown or two. My ex-girlfriend was always there for me. Thanks love, all of these are for us and our beloved family. The first six months were spent in my car, cyber cafes for my proposals and such. Since the distances between my tiny office and clients place was a bit far, as a tactical cost saving measures, in between meetings I will sit myself quietly in Masjid Wilayah, reading, writing, solat and at times, a nap or two.

After six months, with all the profits pumped back into the company and kind help from my then ex-partners, we moved into this small office space where currently I am typing this entry, located at the edge of Kuala Lumpur. And I graduated with flying colours for my Masters. Alhamdulillah.

Last Year, 2004 – I was 29

Alhamdulillah, the business was good. We have managed to secured a few public listed clients which we still enjoy good business relationship until now. From a one man show, we transformed to a small work force of 6, with people working with me are the familiar faces you see on TV. On our first year of operation, we had two proposals of take over, one from a public listed company and another from a royal family. Family wise, I moved my beloved mum and my siblings to this modest double story house. Providing them opportunity of sleeping in their own bedroom. We don’t have such luxury before and even now, we don't have much luxury either. On that year too, I managed to send my mum and my ex-girlfriend together, on Ramadhan to do their umrah. Alhamdulillah

Disaster struck on December, my ex-girlfriend left me on that month. I was left in a lurch. But no, never once I blame her. Pergilah sayang, if that would make you happy.

This Year, 2005 – I am 30

The repercussions of the separation has taken me deep in my misery. I’ve lost my two cars, mum beloved mum’s car, the house we have as a gift from my Engineer Dad, my FD, OD, all my savings, name it.

I almost lost the house that my mum and siblings still living right now, and I almost lost my hard earn company too. At one moment, I am determined to sell the company and move myself to London. Running away from bad memoirs of yesteryear. What’s left in Malaysia anyway? Sweet memories? I was at a brink of losing my insanity. Past few months has seen the situation gradually getting better and better. Alhamdulillah

All is not over yet, I am still fighting. Blog whorring and blogging has make me meeting lovely and kindhearted new friends, some i've met, some i've not, you know who you are. I am more relax now, even though I am an office freak who will be in my small office from Monday to Sunday and public holidays to even Hari Raya. Working my butts out, up to wee hours everyday.

Next Year, 2006 10 Years from Now, 2015 – I will be 31 and 40.

I dare not to portray what will happen in the future for I can only pray, plan and work my ass out towards it. And i am an ex x-men, i'll heal my own sorrow.

But one thing for sure dear God, I admit, I am not a saint, test me with anything You may, for I will never forget You.

Thank you for your kind time, may God bless all of you. Next stop i'm tagging Shell (buat lagi sekali, Pfftt) , Lekker Ding, Scrubber, Maya, KepalaAngin, Chics, ThinktTankGirl, Cherry Bakewell, Miss_YY, Inn, RaksaksaBiskut, Babe, Leen Ash Burn, Pojan, Sheryl_Alexis, Sooz, Scribblebangle, Dina, MzMin, Sports Freak, Vlad, Fade and all who have commented on my humble blog. Spread the lurrrve babeh– Madnessinvain

Lovely Lovable

Spurning fervent amen in the mind, rappelled by the sanguine beauty of the innocent, I am witch crafted by the astounding tale of a lovely lady friend. The elucidation of bliss are everywhere. Life is an absolute. Aurora of heavenly tang is not a phantasm in this madly-in-love couple’s soul. Bless thee the gift from the All Mighty. You complete each other.

And I am, very very proud with both of you.

***************

Tramping superfluity of predilection, portentous lights are in galore. Lolloping adventitious amore in me. Treacherous medium are in the air. Disdain endeavor of unambiguous innuendoes, reminiscing the passage of evil knievel. Mind you, swirling luscious is not the focal prerogative. Gloomy sky is the fable of yore. I’ll swap anything in this universe, just to see that pious smile, in you, again.

And let me be the star of your darkness.